Sex is great! Copulation is fantastic! Moving in unison with your partner is just awesome! Hooray to sex!
Having said all that, why is there so much fuss about love-making? I mean, there are religious zealots who prophet doom and destruction when one doesn’t do it the way they think it ought be done. And there are those who simply cant get enough of it. Any person of the opposite sex who comes within reach needs to be consumed, as if exchanging juices is the only way to somehow remember that one is alive.
These two opposites are co-dependent; the one couldn’t exist without the other. They’re most often driven by the exact same forces from deep within, but with totally different outcomes. A fear of intimacy. Real intimacy. As spiritual sexpert David Deida says, somewhere in his books, “Sex is more than buddy’s rubbing their genitals.”
One might hope so.
Don’t get me wrong, I’m neither a tantric teacher nor a sexual healer. In between the sheets and away from them, I’m just an ordinary guy. With an appetite, for sure. Great sex helps me get completely out of my own mind, either through a quickie on the counter, or through an exploration that will see both a sunset as well as a sunrise.
My favorite author, Thomas Moore, said it like this in an interview I did with him in July 2009:
I talk about love making as the invocation of Venus. What I mean by that, is that sex is not just about two people expressing their feelings or thoughts or ideas or about making the relationship stronger; those things may come from it. The primary thing is to break through – it is very much like tantra, only that Tantra doesn’t speak this way – is to break through out of the personal and the interpersonal into that which is beyond. This is represented by the goddess Venus; that is how I best see it. If she is not evoked you can’t really have the pleasure, the sexual pleasure. Because that’s where it ultimately comes from – that is where the soul finds its sexuality. Soul is never satisfied with the purely inter-human, the inter-action. The gods have to be involved.
David Deida has interesting views on sex, I think. One of his books has the ambitious title Finding God through Sex (shhhh – don’t tell the fundamentalists…!). As you see: the man has aspirations. To be honest, that book I haven’t read yet. I, however, did listen to his stunning audiobooks Enlightened Sexand The Way of the Superior Man.
Challenging material, I find. Once one knows the ins and outs of a shag, it one day becomes interesting to go beyond the old, familiar grind and find a new attitude towards the whole gorgeous beauty of it.
“How to keep the polarity flowing?” That’s Deida’s mean point. How to keep enough tension flowing in ways that touch the soul, through sweat, juice, sighs and moans? And sure: even a tear of joy! It turns porn into eroticism, boredom into play, breathing into bliss.
The question on how to get to that place goes far beyond any technique of G-spot stimulation or prostate massage. It goes to the heart of the matter. Do you sex with your soul, or do you sex with your genitals?